A lot.
But usually its just crappy chick-lit. Girly rubbish that i love because its more fantasy than Harry Potter will ever be. I imagine eleven year old girls reading them in the summer holidays before high school. Piecing together the path for the next four years of their lives.
Year 7: Makes two best friends who you can trust with your life. One will be totally girly and quite dim and dyes her hair blonde to feel like a she belongs with the girls she'll never speak to. The other will be an "indie" chick; who's cynical and likes weird music and dyes her hair black to be nothing like the girls she'll never speak to. And yest. even though you're so different, you'll be with each other forever and have sleep overs and inside jokes. you'll obsess, cry and swoon over boys and bitch about the girls you'll never speak to. By new years eve you'll be inspepartable and swear to never let boys or other girls come between you and then you'll see the new year in watching 'john tucker must die' and making fun of it but secretly loving every minute.
Year 8: You'll get your first big crush on a footballer who doesn't know you exist and only "goes out with" the girls you'll never speak to. You'll secretly worship him and he will do no wrong. then one day he'll notice you at the library on Saturday mornings and you'll start talking and you'll find he's really a sweet, sensitive guy who feels like he has to be someone else around his friends. he'll love how he can be himself around you and you'll kiss under an old green in the park. then by some miracle you'll be invited to the party of a girl you've never spoken to and have a great time dancing with your friend who've you've grown apart from over the year; that is until you find your perfect and misunderstood footballer hooking up with a girl you'll never look at the same way again. you spend new years crying with your two best friends and watch 'john tucker must die' and hate the ending because he never got the castration he deserves.
Year 9: you'll meet a cute nerdy guy and at first you wont trust him because of your perfect but misunderstood football-fuckwit but then you'll fall in love with him. Your girly girl friend will develop anorexia still trying to be like the girls she still has never spoken to and your 'indie' friend will smoke pot and date a guy who wears skinny leg jeans and cons, has piercings and who she loves so much more than he will ever love her. She'll loose her virginity while getting stoned in his basement and then he'll dump her and she start to cut her wrists. Of course you wont know any of this because you spend all your time with your cute nerdy boyfriend. But you wont sleep with him because you want it to be 'special' and 'mean something' and because he's so sweet he'll want the same thing. Your girly girl friend will start to talk to the girls who never noticed her and you'll think its just a phase and give your sweet nerdy boyfriend head for his birthday. your girly girl friend will pass out from not eating and she become your friend again as she recovers. then one night you'll get a call from your 'indie' chick friend who is drunk, stoned and about to kill herself. You'll run to her house and save her and talk and cry the whole night through. You spend new years at a party with all the kids from your year at the house of some kid you never spoke to. Your best friends meet their dream guys and you loose you're virginity under the stars to your cute nerdy boyfriend and it will be 'special' and it will "mean something' and he tell you he loves you and you swear nothing will ever come between you. In the back of your mind you now like the end of 'john tucker must die' because people really do get happy endings.
Year 10: Everything goes perfectly until your sweet nerdy boyfriend dumps you at the end of first semester saying he needs sometime before you guys get too serious. You feel like your world has fallen apart but with the help of you're friends, recover enough to ace all you exams. he is now re-baptised 'asshole'. Your girly girl friend's parents get divorced but her new soccer playing boyfriend helps her through it. with the help of her new 'Indie' dude boyfriend, your 'indie' chick gets back at her ex and the girls who never spoke to your girly girl friend after she feinted. Then you'll get an email from asshole two days before the end of year formal and he'll pour out his heart to you. it will turn out that his mum had cancer and he didn't want to drag you through it because he's never met anyone else like you before and promises to love you forever and ever and asks you not to hate him too much and to come to the formal with him. You text him to meet you at 'your place' and you kiss and it will be a kiss that forgives and a kiss that remembers how it used to be. The formal becomes the greatest night of your lives and you kiss your cute nerdy soul mate on the dance floor; ignoring the giggles of the girls you never cared about enough to talk to and he tell you again that he loves you and that you've never looked more beautiful. You spend new years at your house with your two best friends who you can trust with your life and your boyfriends. You watch 'john tucker must die' for old times sake and love every minute. you discuss how fast the last four years have gone and you all wish this night could last forever. As the clock strikes twelve, your sweet nerdy soul mate whispers he loves you in your ear and you kiss and know that you got your happy ending.
It is now that i laugh.
I laugh because i was that girl four years ago.
but alas i am no longer.
The Truth Is:
I don't know who my best friends are for the most part. Let alone which ones i can trust with my life.
I never did meet that footballer. And I'm still falling for the boy who'll never really see me.
My friends say their fat but they know their thin. And that makes me feel like shit because i know i'm not.
I've had friends smoke pot and that scares me more than I'd like to admit.
I've had friend be suicidal [some for real and some not] and honestly have been myself. But it was never my friends that saved me.
And begrudgingly I'm still a virgin. Which shouldn't bother me - but it does.
Right now i don't believe in happy endings because i am yet to see any and i have very little faith left to loose.
In addition; i highly doubt that this year will be anything near perfect.
Let alone my life.
xoxo Aly
No comments:
Post a Comment