February 26, 2009
School Time: Music
Today she asked if I was "okay".
It made me smile because I have been asking myself the same question quite a lot recently.
Am i okay?
i feel completely alone....
"Yeah, I'm fine" I replied "Just a little tired."
I couldn't meet her eye.
It made me smile because I have been asking myself the same question quite a lot recently.
Am i okay?
i feel completely alone....
"Yeah, I'm fine" I replied "Just a little tired."
I couldn't meet her eye.
February 25, 2009
February 22, 2009
Short-Comings
How is it possible to have so many words to say and yet so few say them with?
Lets start with one word:
I want to say I'm sorry.
To my Mum, for making you cry.
To my Dad, for making you scream.
To my Brother, for being such a bitch.
To Nana Joan, for not being thin.
To John, for all the times I lie.
To Garry, for not being the girl you thought I was.
To Aaron, for using you.
To Rohan, for telling you far too much useless info.
To Kelly, for hitting you.
To Bridget, for all the times I didn't catch the bus home.
To Bree, for letting you down.
To my other Friends, for not letting you in.
To the Friends I never got to know.
To the Teachers I ignored.
To the People I judged.
To the People I annoyed.
To the People I talked about.
To the People I hurt.
To the People who Loved me.
And to the People who Didn't.
Lets start with one word:
I want to say I'm sorry.
To my Mum, for making you cry.
To my Dad, for making you scream.
To my Brother, for being such a bitch.
To Nana Joan, for not being thin.
To John, for all the times I lie.
To Garry, for not being the girl you thought I was.
To Aaron, for using you.
To Rohan, for telling you far too much useless info.
To Kelly, for hitting you.
To Bridget, for all the times I didn't catch the bus home.
To Bree, for letting you down.
To my other Friends, for not letting you in.
To the Friends I never got to know.
To the Teachers I ignored.
To the People I judged.
To the People I annoyed.
To the People I talked about.
To the People I hurt.
To the People who Loved me.
And to the People who Didn't.
Im Sorry.
February 20, 2009
Culture Shock
Culture Shock: a condition of disorientation, depression or anxiety affecting someone who is suddenly exposed to an unfamiliar culture or way of life or set of attitudes
I miss Sydney.
I miss Sydney every single day of my life.
Every single day I wake up and look out my window; I see cows and horses, "Aussie" flags on Utes and Bogans in ugg boots, and all I can think is:
"How the hell did I end up here?"
I still don’t have an answer to that one.
I am a city girl.
I always have been and probably always will.
I thrive on the hustle and bustle and energy and noise.
I love the culture, the people and how they don't pretend to be what their not.
And then there’s Branxton, it is at best, a village. It has two-thousand people and a CI [cultural intelligence] of zero. It thrives on conformity and ignorance.
When I first moved here in October 2003; I was torn out of everything had never known.
I was the new girl who spoke differently, who liked different music and television, whose parents didn't work in the mines or as hairdressers, who thought it was wrong to say “that’s so gay!”, who had actually left New South Wales and above all, who didn’t fit in.
Before they even spoke to me they called me a snob. So that's what I became [and to be perfectly honest I still can be] I felt I was better than them [and I believed it wholeheartedly]. When they did try and talk to me, it wasn’t what you’d call easy:
“Hey you’re that chicks whose parents bought the Branxton inn eh?”
“Unfortunately yes”
“Oh cool! So do you like horses?”
“Not really”
“What about motorbikes?”
“No”
“What about that new Kasey Chambers song, pretty awesome eh?”
“Are you joking?”
“Oh…umm…okay… What about footy? What’s your team?”
“It’s stupid and encourages pointless violence”
I have never been so lonely.
I was lost; I couldn’t see how these people didn’t die of boredom [I still can’t]. I drifted between friendship groups, trying to find anywhere I could feel even a hint of what I had in Sydney or Canberra.
I failed miserably.
Then my little brother started playing for the local soccer team. The ever-so-originally called Greta-Branxton Wildcats, and that’s how I met Steffie Yee. Her brother played on the same team. We were in the same year at the same school, liked the same music and both loved Sydney to death.
It wasn’t much to begin with, but I was saved.
I miss Sydney.
I miss Sydney every single day of my life.
Every single day I wake up and look out my window; I see cows and horses, "Aussie" flags on Utes and Bogans in ugg boots, and all I can think is:
"How the hell did I end up here?"
I still don’t have an answer to that one.
I am a city girl.
I always have been and probably always will.
I thrive on the hustle and bustle and energy and noise.
I love the culture, the people and how they don't pretend to be what their not.
And then there’s Branxton, it is at best, a village. It has two-thousand people and a CI [cultural intelligence] of zero. It thrives on conformity and ignorance.
When I first moved here in October 2003; I was torn out of everything had never known.
I was the new girl who spoke differently, who liked different music and television, whose parents didn't work in the mines or as hairdressers, who thought it was wrong to say “that’s so gay!”, who had actually left New South Wales and above all, who didn’t fit in.
Before they even spoke to me they called me a snob. So that's what I became [and to be perfectly honest I still can be] I felt I was better than them [and I believed it wholeheartedly]. When they did try and talk to me, it wasn’t what you’d call easy:
“Hey you’re that chicks whose parents bought the Branxton inn eh?”
“Unfortunately yes”
“Oh cool! So do you like horses?”
“Not really”
“What about motorbikes?”
“No”
“What about that new Kasey Chambers song, pretty awesome eh?”
“Are you joking?”
“Oh…umm…okay… What about footy? What’s your team?”
“It’s stupid and encourages pointless violence”
I have never been so lonely.
I was lost; I couldn’t see how these people didn’t die of boredom [I still can’t]. I drifted between friendship groups, trying to find anywhere I could feel even a hint of what I had in Sydney or Canberra.
I failed miserably.
Then my little brother started playing for the local soccer team. The ever-so-originally called Greta-Branxton Wildcats, and that’s how I met Steffie Yee. Her brother played on the same team. We were in the same year at the same school, liked the same music and both loved Sydney to death.
It wasn’t much to begin with, but I was saved.
February 15, 2009
Too Many Saturdays: Chapter 1
[My first attempt at YA chick-lit]
“And then Joss was like, ‘well I kinda like it…’ and I was like ‘oh my god! I love care bears too!’ we so like had this like heaps deep connection!” gushed Liz, overrun by her own deluded excitement as we walked from the bus stop to the local library after school one obnoxiously hot November day. I grinned and giggled but mentally rolled my eyes, I really don’t know why I put up with this.
Liz is one of those girls who falls in love every week; and every time it’s the “perfect” guy, or “the one” as she likes to call it. Of course, the guy will always say or do something that changes him from the “one” to “that total asshole who broke my heart”, all in the space of a week.
I, on the other hand, was very different. Liz was always in love, where as I was almost never. I don’t know what it was, but the idea of being tied to someone like that terrified me. I preferred my “romance” short, sweet and nickname-free.
Meh – I just figured I was a head case.
“Alice, are you listening to me?” Liz asked, flustered; her harshly cropped, bronze hair illustrating her frustration.
“Huh?” I’d spaced – again.
“I said do you like wanna come shopping at Blue Skies with me on Saturday? It’ll be fun!”
“Oh god, are you going to stalk this one too?” I whined. We’d spent far too many Saturdays trawling around the local mall after Liz’s latest conquests. Always in vain of course, as the three boyfriends she had had consisted of a warcraft geek, a sleezazoid and a guy who she dated for a week and a half before he dumped her for moving way too fast.
Well, I did try to tell her that discussing her extensive wedding plans with him may make him a bit nervous. But does she listen…
“Ouch!” I exclaimed. She’d punched me.
“Its not ‘stalking’,” she replied defensively, her murky hazel eyes wide with pseudo-innocence “I need new… umm…. Socks!”
“Socks?” I asked, my voice dripping in skepticism.
“Yeah socks!” she chirped, now more confident in her story “Hey, we should go to A-mart – I’m sure they’d have… err… socks!”
“And that would have absolutely nothing to do with a certain boy who I happen to know is employed at that establishment, would it now?” I accused her, bemused.
“No!” she cried
I stared.
“But we really should go between eleven-thirty and two because…” she glanced at me, defeated “oh why do I even bother?”
I rolled my eyes again, externally this
time. Yet again I am dragged into stalking some poor boy until Liz looses interest or he invariably crushes her every hope and dream.
Still, Stalking means mall.
And mall means music shop.
And music shop means music shop boys.
And music shop boys mean Angus.
I couldn’t help but grin.
~
An Exploration of Deception in Much Ado About Nothing
As a comedy of errors, Much Ado About Nothing explores the theme of deception in both its harmless and malevolent forms. The firstly is displayed in the case if Beatrice and Benedick, where deception is used to bring them together. The later is shown by the web of lies stemming from the evil Don John and his passion for pain and iniquity. The comic element can be found in the character of Dogberry and Shakespeare’s caricature of human idiocy developed throughout the play.
Benevolent deception, as seen in the Beatrice and Benedick subplot, is used to not only assist in the comic side of the play but to illustrate that sometimes lies are told for the better. Such an example in modern times would be something as simple as complimenting someone solely to give them self-confidence. This is reflected in Much Ado About Nothing in scenes akin to Act 2, Scene 3, in which the household conspires to make Benedick and Beatrice fall in love. Trickery is used to the benefit of all involved. The household is relieved from the pair’s vicious verbal sparing while they find love. Ergo deception is not always an unconstructive exploit.
Alternatively, the deceptions harboured by Don John are created merely for the sake of malice. The Character of Don John is very out of place in this dramatic comedy, a friend of such violent manner could have strode right out of one of Shakespeare’s dark tragedies such as Hamlet or Macbeth, instead he is brought to cause “much ado about nothing”. To be an illegitimate child in Elizabethan times would be a harsh lot in life and Don John has allowed the hostility of his birth and society’s scorn to manifest in him and is hence fourth a very angry man. This is demonstrated in Act 1, Scene 3, where his declares “cannot hide what I am: I must be sad when I have cause and smile at no man's jests, eat when I have stomach and wait for no man's leisure, sleep when I am drowsy and tend on no man's business, laugh when I am merry and claw no man in his humour.”
The deceptions generated by Don John among the other characters are nothing short of monstrous. Told only to cause mayhem and hurt for the protagonists. From initially giving the young and credulous Claudio doubts in the motives of Don Pedro to the later disparaging of Hero, There are no positive side effects that arise from the ashes of the disdained. There are no redeeming qualities or actions for Don John; He is merely vengeful, bitter and brutal.
Finally, the comic part of this comedy of errors is found in the ever-confusing Dogberry. From his sorrowful use of the English language to his absent-minded antics, he truly is a fool. Yet through his foolishness, it is ironically that the whole ado about nothing is resolved. Although terribly stupid and essentially impossible to understand, he manages to reveal the plot to Leonato and the other characters. An example of his atrocious abuse of language is found in Act 3, Scene 5, “It pleases your Worship to say so, but we are the poor duke's officers. But truly, for mine own part, if I were as tedious as a king, I could find it in my heart to bestow it all of your officers. But truly, for mine own part, if I were as tedious as a king, I could find it in my heart to bestow it all of your worship.”
Along side Dog berry in the roll of comic is human folly; Such as the gullibility of Claudio and his willingness to believe almost anything. This folly is seen again in the constant denial of affection from Benedick and Beatrice. Leading from their opening war of words, to the final scene, both are too proud to admit the inevitable. A final example of human folly is love. As humans we obsess over it and it has the power to turn the most grounded and serious person in to an incoherent lovesick idiot. In the words of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, “Love makes you do the wacky!”
Concluding, Deception is explored at great lengths on both its harmless and malicious in the comedy of errors that is William Shakespeare’s Much Ado About Nothing.
Benevolent deception, as seen in the Beatrice and Benedick subplot, is used to not only assist in the comic side of the play but to illustrate that sometimes lies are told for the better. Such an example in modern times would be something as simple as complimenting someone solely to give them self-confidence. This is reflected in Much Ado About Nothing in scenes akin to Act 2, Scene 3, in which the household conspires to make Benedick and Beatrice fall in love. Trickery is used to the benefit of all involved. The household is relieved from the pair’s vicious verbal sparing while they find love. Ergo deception is not always an unconstructive exploit.
Alternatively, the deceptions harboured by Don John are created merely for the sake of malice. The Character of Don John is very out of place in this dramatic comedy, a friend of such violent manner could have strode right out of one of Shakespeare’s dark tragedies such as Hamlet or Macbeth, instead he is brought to cause “much ado about nothing”. To be an illegitimate child in Elizabethan times would be a harsh lot in life and Don John has allowed the hostility of his birth and society’s scorn to manifest in him and is hence fourth a very angry man. This is demonstrated in Act 1, Scene 3, where his declares “cannot hide what I am: I must be sad when I have cause and smile at no man's jests, eat when I have stomach and wait for no man's leisure, sleep when I am drowsy and tend on no man's business, laugh when I am merry and claw no man in his humour.”
The deceptions generated by Don John among the other characters are nothing short of monstrous. Told only to cause mayhem and hurt for the protagonists. From initially giving the young and credulous Claudio doubts in the motives of Don Pedro to the later disparaging of Hero, There are no positive side effects that arise from the ashes of the disdained. There are no redeeming qualities or actions for Don John; He is merely vengeful, bitter and brutal.
Finally, the comic part of this comedy of errors is found in the ever-confusing Dogberry. From his sorrowful use of the English language to his absent-minded antics, he truly is a fool. Yet through his foolishness, it is ironically that the whole ado about nothing is resolved. Although terribly stupid and essentially impossible to understand, he manages to reveal the plot to Leonato and the other characters. An example of his atrocious abuse of language is found in Act 3, Scene 5, “It pleases your Worship to say so, but we are the poor duke's officers. But truly, for mine own part, if I were as tedious as a king, I could find it in my heart to bestow it all of your officers. But truly, for mine own part, if I were as tedious as a king, I could find it in my heart to bestow it all of your worship.”
Along side Dog berry in the roll of comic is human folly; Such as the gullibility of Claudio and his willingness to believe almost anything. This folly is seen again in the constant denial of affection from Benedick and Beatrice. Leading from their opening war of words, to the final scene, both are too proud to admit the inevitable. A final example of human folly is love. As humans we obsess over it and it has the power to turn the most grounded and serious person in to an incoherent lovesick idiot. In the words of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, “Love makes you do the wacky!”
Concluding, Deception is explored at great lengths on both its harmless and malicious in the comedy of errors that is William Shakespeare’s Much Ado About Nothing.
Review: Twilight
I first read twilight almost two years ago [and have since read it almost 35 times -yes i know i am that pathetic] so when i heard there was to be a film my first reaction was of course, total and utter dread!
REVIEWS:
The first time I was too overwhelmed by the way my favorite book was mutilated in the page to screen transition - vital scenes and classic lines being cut and new [poorly writen] material only added insult to injury. I must admitt that to my suprise, i was highly impressed with the casting of Kristen Stewart as Bella. She gave a very pure and convincing performance which was woderful to see. I unfortunatly can not say the same for one Robert Pattinson who while portraying the serious side of our beloved Edward Cullen, failed to capture the softer, more romantic and lighthearted element of the character; leaving Pattinson's performance to feel forced and overstudied. The tedious editing of the script and weak addaption of the books very prominent plot line left much to be desired.
FIRST IMPRESSION: 2.5/5
After my first viewing, i figured i should rewatch it in order to overcome my original book-based bias. I certainly enjoyed it more apon the second screening. I decided to watch and accept it as a movie rather than an addaption of my favorite book. Watching the film in this more open mindset allowed me to appreciate the movie itsself, which without a doubt looks devine. The storyline still annoyed me, as did Robert Pattinson's performance but i definately got more from it this time. I also take time to note the wonderful casting of Charlie, The Cullens and Jacob; as these performers really help to bring the story to a new level.
SECOND IMPRESSION: 3.5/5
Finally, I went in knowing what to expect; from the story and actors alike. It was pleasent being able to really watch the movie and appeciate the tiny refferences hidden for true twilight fans. Tribute must also be paid the the score and soundtrack - they're gorgeous!
THIRD AND FINAL RATING: 4/5
VERDICT:
It Could Have Been Better But It Could Have Been SO Much Worse!
xoxo Aly
REVIEWS:
The first time I was too overwhelmed by the way my favorite book was mutilated in the page to screen transition - vital scenes and classic lines being cut and new [poorly writen] material only added insult to injury. I must admitt that to my suprise, i was highly impressed with the casting of Kristen Stewart as Bella. She gave a very pure and convincing performance which was woderful to see. I unfortunatly can not say the same for one Robert Pattinson who while portraying the serious side of our beloved Edward Cullen, failed to capture the softer, more romantic and lighthearted element of the character; leaving Pattinson's performance to feel forced and overstudied. The tedious editing of the script and weak addaption of the books very prominent plot line left much to be desired.
FIRST IMPRESSION: 2.5/5
After my first viewing, i figured i should rewatch it in order to overcome my original book-based bias. I certainly enjoyed it more apon the second screening. I decided to watch and accept it as a movie rather than an addaption of my favorite book. Watching the film in this more open mindset allowed me to appreciate the movie itsself, which without a doubt looks devine. The storyline still annoyed me, as did Robert Pattinson's performance but i definately got more from it this time. I also take time to note the wonderful casting of Charlie, The Cullens and Jacob; as these performers really help to bring the story to a new level.
SECOND IMPRESSION: 3.5/5
Finally, I went in knowing what to expect; from the story and actors alike. It was pleasent being able to really watch the movie and appeciate the tiny refferences hidden for true twilight fans. Tribute must also be paid the the score and soundtrack - they're gorgeous!
THIRD AND FINAL RATING: 4/5
VERDICT:
It Could Have Been Better But It Could Have Been SO Much Worse!
xoxo Aly
Ode to Chick-Lit
I read.
A lot.
But usually its just crappy chick-lit. Girly rubbish that i love because its more fantasy than Harry Potter will ever be. I imagine eleven year old girls reading them in the summer holidays before high school. Piecing together the path for the next four years of their lives.
Year 7: Makes two best friends who you can trust with your life. One will be totally girly and quite dim and dyes her hair blonde to feel like a she belongs with the girls she'll never speak to. The other will be an "indie" chick; who's cynical and likes weird music and dyes her hair black to be nothing like the girls she'll never speak to. And yest. even though you're so different, you'll be with each other forever and have sleep overs and inside jokes. you'll obsess, cry and swoon over boys and bitch about the girls you'll never speak to. By new years eve you'll be inspepartable and swear to never let boys or other girls come between you and then you'll see the new year in watching 'john tucker must die' and making fun of it but secretly loving every minute.
Year 8: You'll get your first big crush on a footballer who doesn't know you exist and only "goes out with" the girls you'll never speak to. You'll secretly worship him and he will do no wrong. then one day he'll notice you at the library on Saturday mornings and you'll start talking and you'll find he's really a sweet, sensitive guy who feels like he has to be someone else around his friends. he'll love how he can be himself around you and you'll kiss under an old green in the park. then by some miracle you'll be invited to the party of a girl you've never spoken to and have a great time dancing with your friend who've you've grown apart from over the year; that is until you find your perfect and misunderstood footballer hooking up with a girl you'll never look at the same way again. you spend new years crying with your two best friends and watch 'john tucker must die' and hate the ending because he never got the castration he deserves.
Year 9: you'll meet a cute nerdy guy and at first you wont trust him because of your perfect but misunderstood football-fuckwit but then you'll fall in love with him. Your girly girl friend will develop anorexia still trying to be like the girls she still has never spoken to and your 'indie' friend will smoke pot and date a guy who wears skinny leg jeans and cons, has piercings and who she loves so much more than he will ever love her. She'll loose her virginity while getting stoned in his basement and then he'll dump her and she start to cut her wrists. Of course you wont know any of this because you spend all your time with your cute nerdy boyfriend. But you wont sleep with him because you want it to be 'special' and 'mean something' and because he's so sweet he'll want the same thing. Your girly girl friend will start to talk to the girls who never noticed her and you'll think its just a phase and give your sweet nerdy boyfriend head for his birthday. your girly girl friend will pass out from not eating and she become your friend again as she recovers. then one night you'll get a call from your 'indie' chick friend who is drunk, stoned and about to kill herself. You'll run to her house and save her and talk and cry the whole night through. You spend new years at a party with all the kids from your year at the house of some kid you never spoke to. Your best friends meet their dream guys and you loose you're virginity under the stars to your cute nerdy boyfriend and it will be 'special' and it will "mean something' and he tell you he loves you and you swear nothing will ever come between you. In the back of your mind you now like the end of 'john tucker must die' because people really do get happy endings.
Year 10: Everything goes perfectly until your sweet nerdy boyfriend dumps you at the end of first semester saying he needs sometime before you guys get too serious. You feel like your world has fallen apart but with the help of you're friends, recover enough to ace all you exams. he is now re-baptised 'asshole'. Your girly girl friend's parents get divorced but her new soccer playing boyfriend helps her through it. with the help of her new 'Indie' dude boyfriend, your 'indie' chick gets back at her ex and the girls who never spoke to your girly girl friend after she feinted. Then you'll get an email from asshole two days before the end of year formal and he'll pour out his heart to you. it will turn out that his mum had cancer and he didn't want to drag you through it because he's never met anyone else like you before and promises to love you forever and ever and asks you not to hate him too much and to come to the formal with him. You text him to meet you at 'your place' and you kiss and it will be a kiss that forgives and a kiss that remembers how it used to be. The formal becomes the greatest night of your lives and you kiss your cute nerdy soul mate on the dance floor; ignoring the giggles of the girls you never cared about enough to talk to and he tell you again that he loves you and that you've never looked more beautiful. You spend new years at your house with your two best friends who you can trust with your life and your boyfriends. You watch 'john tucker must die' for old times sake and love every minute. you discuss how fast the last four years have gone and you all wish this night could last forever. As the clock strikes twelve, your sweet nerdy soul mate whispers he loves you in your ear and you kiss and know that you got your happy ending.
It is now that i laugh.
A lot.
But usually its just crappy chick-lit. Girly rubbish that i love because its more fantasy than Harry Potter will ever be. I imagine eleven year old girls reading them in the summer holidays before high school. Piecing together the path for the next four years of their lives.
Year 7: Makes two best friends who you can trust with your life. One will be totally girly and quite dim and dyes her hair blonde to feel like a she belongs with the girls she'll never speak to. The other will be an "indie" chick; who's cynical and likes weird music and dyes her hair black to be nothing like the girls she'll never speak to. And yest. even though you're so different, you'll be with each other forever and have sleep overs and inside jokes. you'll obsess, cry and swoon over boys and bitch about the girls you'll never speak to. By new years eve you'll be inspepartable and swear to never let boys or other girls come between you and then you'll see the new year in watching 'john tucker must die' and making fun of it but secretly loving every minute.
Year 8: You'll get your first big crush on a footballer who doesn't know you exist and only "goes out with" the girls you'll never speak to. You'll secretly worship him and he will do no wrong. then one day he'll notice you at the library on Saturday mornings and you'll start talking and you'll find he's really a sweet, sensitive guy who feels like he has to be someone else around his friends. he'll love how he can be himself around you and you'll kiss under an old green in the park. then by some miracle you'll be invited to the party of a girl you've never spoken to and have a great time dancing with your friend who've you've grown apart from over the year; that is until you find your perfect and misunderstood footballer hooking up with a girl you'll never look at the same way again. you spend new years crying with your two best friends and watch 'john tucker must die' and hate the ending because he never got the castration he deserves.
Year 9: you'll meet a cute nerdy guy and at first you wont trust him because of your perfect but misunderstood football-fuckwit but then you'll fall in love with him. Your girly girl friend will develop anorexia still trying to be like the girls she still has never spoken to and your 'indie' friend will smoke pot and date a guy who wears skinny leg jeans and cons, has piercings and who she loves so much more than he will ever love her. She'll loose her virginity while getting stoned in his basement and then he'll dump her and she start to cut her wrists. Of course you wont know any of this because you spend all your time with your cute nerdy boyfriend. But you wont sleep with him because you want it to be 'special' and 'mean something' and because he's so sweet he'll want the same thing. Your girly girl friend will start to talk to the girls who never noticed her and you'll think its just a phase and give your sweet nerdy boyfriend head for his birthday. your girly girl friend will pass out from not eating and she become your friend again as she recovers. then one night you'll get a call from your 'indie' chick friend who is drunk, stoned and about to kill herself. You'll run to her house and save her and talk and cry the whole night through. You spend new years at a party with all the kids from your year at the house of some kid you never spoke to. Your best friends meet their dream guys and you loose you're virginity under the stars to your cute nerdy boyfriend and it will be 'special' and it will "mean something' and he tell you he loves you and you swear nothing will ever come between you. In the back of your mind you now like the end of 'john tucker must die' because people really do get happy endings.
Year 10: Everything goes perfectly until your sweet nerdy boyfriend dumps you at the end of first semester saying he needs sometime before you guys get too serious. You feel like your world has fallen apart but with the help of you're friends, recover enough to ace all you exams. he is now re-baptised 'asshole'. Your girly girl friend's parents get divorced but her new soccer playing boyfriend helps her through it. with the help of her new 'Indie' dude boyfriend, your 'indie' chick gets back at her ex and the girls who never spoke to your girly girl friend after she feinted. Then you'll get an email from asshole two days before the end of year formal and he'll pour out his heart to you. it will turn out that his mum had cancer and he didn't want to drag you through it because he's never met anyone else like you before and promises to love you forever and ever and asks you not to hate him too much and to come to the formal with him. You text him to meet you at 'your place' and you kiss and it will be a kiss that forgives and a kiss that remembers how it used to be. The formal becomes the greatest night of your lives and you kiss your cute nerdy soul mate on the dance floor; ignoring the giggles of the girls you never cared about enough to talk to and he tell you again that he loves you and that you've never looked more beautiful. You spend new years at your house with your two best friends who you can trust with your life and your boyfriends. You watch 'john tucker must die' for old times sake and love every minute. you discuss how fast the last four years have gone and you all wish this night could last forever. As the clock strikes twelve, your sweet nerdy soul mate whispers he loves you in your ear and you kiss and know that you got your happy ending.
It is now that i laugh.
I laugh because i was that girl four years ago.
but alas i am no longer.
The Truth Is:
I don't know who my best friends are for the most part. Let alone which ones i can trust with my life.
I never did meet that footballer. And I'm still falling for the boy who'll never really see me.
My friends say their fat but they know their thin. And that makes me feel like shit because i know i'm not.
I've had friends smoke pot and that scares me more than I'd like to admit.
I've had friend be suicidal [some for real and some not] and honestly have been myself. But it was never my friends that saved me.
And begrudgingly I'm still a virgin. Which shouldn't bother me - but it does.
Right now i don't believe in happy endings because i am yet to see any and i have very little faith left to loose.
In addition; i highly doubt that this year will be anything near perfect.
Let alone my life.
xoxo Aly
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